Dumb Things People Say to You After Having a Kid

While in the shower this morning, my mind started wandering about all the crazy/bold/funny comments people have made to me since having a child.  I am not the type to become easily offended, but just for kicks, I’ve included in italics what I would’ve liked to have said to the various speakers.  If your quote made the list…no harm, no foul! :)

·       “Why don’t you come hang out after the baby’s asleep?” Okay…sounds great, but I can’t just leave my kid here.

·      “I’m sick of the boring you; I think you’re hiding behind breastfeeding as a way not to drink.”  (At a loss for words…)

·      “Don’t you get bored being at home all day?” Do you think I just sit on the couch and watch TV and eat cake all day? There is a lot involved with taking care of a helpless and dependent human!

·      “Why does it look like you have a buzz cut in the front?” Because it’s called the I-just-had-a-baby-and-my-hair-fell-out-and-now-it’s-growing-back look.

·      “You shouldn’t have fed your baby bananas first because now he’s only gonna want sweet things.”  Hey, I really appreciate the advice—NOT—but it’s a little late now.

·      “I just don’t believe in flu shots. I’ll just rely on washing my hands.” Well, then I believe I’ll just keep my baby to myself, thank you very much.

·      “Oh, just wait till you have TWO kids.”  I realize you are oh-so-much-busier than I with your TWO kids, but my ONE kid still counts for something.

·      “Hey, remember when you used to say, ‘What do you do with a baby all day long?’?” This is funny; but it gets thrown in my face about once a month and, blame it on the baby brain, but I don’t even remember saying it.

·      “It seems like you’re just always too busy to talk now.  Every time we’re on the phone, it seems like you have to go right away.”  Maybe because I’m between diaper changes/feedings/clothes changes/spit-up cleanup and it’s 5:00 and I’m trying to make dinner!

·      “I’m tired.”  Really, honey? Were you up nursing our baby twice last night because he’s going through a major growth spurt or something?

·      “He’s starting to fuss.  I think he’s ready to wake up.”  Okay, then go get him!  I need to eat my breakfast because we all know what happens when I don’t eat.

·      “Do you miss working?” I am working harder than I have ever worked in my life.

·      “The best part about your baby sleeping through the night is that your husband isn’t disturbed.”  Are you kidding me?  That man could sleep through Hurricane Katrina.

That’s all for now.  I’m sure I’ll have a fresh supply in no time!